so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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