I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
