just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
