remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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