i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Randomize
