just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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