Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
