Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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