Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
