I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
