remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
