I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
