my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
