Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
