Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
