you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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