That's intense
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
