So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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