I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
