i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
