I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
