Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
