I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
