I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
