I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
