he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
