Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
