Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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