when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
