woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
