Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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