So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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