so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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