im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
