I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
