his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
