Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
