I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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