We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
