Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
