24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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