I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
