Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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