I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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