two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
