so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
