I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
