I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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