I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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