Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
