i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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