So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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